Condiment Recovery

Hi, everyone. My name is City Girl and I’m addicted to condiments.

*Hi, City Girl.*

God, grant me the ability to season the foods I cannot palate,
The courage to try savory jellies,
And the wisdom not to confuse Miracle Whip with mayonnaise.

I’ve been asked to share with you today my story of hitting rock bottom and realizing I need help…kicking the condiment habit.

*murmurs of approval*

The other day my husband was making a sandwich and asked me where he could find the mustard.

“On the refrigerator door, middle shelf, on the right” I replied.

“No, I’m not looking for weird mustard, I want sandwich mustard” he said firmly, staring into the box.

So I went to him, squinted into the 15 watt brightness, pointed to the mustard shelf and said, “It’s right here….” before recoiling in horror as I realized I actually have an entire refrigerator shelf dedicated to housing mustard.

The Hubster, unrelenting, said, “You have seven different kinds of mustard in here, and none of them is plain, yellow, American.”

I reviewed: coarse grain French mustard, whole grain French mustard, coarse grain hot Polish mustard, sweet and hot German mustard, wasabi mustard, brown American mustard and an old, forgotten Food & Wine magazine brand champagne mustard.”

“Oh, well, we can get rid of that Food & Wine mustard – I don’t know how long that’s been in there.”

“That doesn’t solve the problem of my naked sandwich.”

“Well, use the brown mustard – it’s American.”

“It isn’t yellow.”

“You just made fun of me for harboring seven different mustards in our home and now you want me to add another? You – YOU – are an enabler!”

And so here I am with you tonight. I want to get better. I do. I’ve been to Fresh Market twice recently without purchasing a single new condiment. Not even a new curry sauce…but that’s another testimony for another day.

Best. Steak. Marinade. Ever.
This is awesome on Rib Eye Steaks.

2 Rib Eye Steaks
4 Cloves of Garlic
½ Cup Coarse Ground Mustard
½ Bottle Moore’s Original or Dale’s Marinade
Pepper

1. Early in the day rinse and dry steaks, poke all over with the end of a knife.
2. Pepper both sides to taste.
3. Mince garlic and rub into both sides of both steaks, working it into the knife slits.
4. Smear 1/8 cup mustard on each side of each steak.
5. Gently slide steaks into a gallon-size Zip-Lock bag.
6. Add marinade to bag, zip bag 99% closed, and squeeze out all the air.

Refrigerate all day. Remove bag from fridge and turn upside-down on the counter two hours before grilling – meat should always be at room temp when you throw it onto the flames.

Cook to order. Open beer. Consume. Repeat as often as necessary to achieve a full and happy life.